A Fantastic Life

Why life would be better if it were like Final Fantasy:

1) You could ride a chocobo to work. No more rush hour traffic.

2) You would get to explore the entire world, in a variety of vehicles.

3) Someone getting on your nerves? Summon any number demons or monsters to put them in their place.

4) Magic would be real. You could cast a spell to heal people or make meteors fall from the sky; your choice.

5) You could journey into space and see the moon up close.

6) You would almost always be in a party of close friends, who would accompany you on your adventures.

7) Every person you would meet in town would have something important to tell you. Almost no one would be annoying or irrelevant.

8) Sword-fighting. Enough said.

9) No matter who you are, you would be the most important person ever. It would be your destiny to fight evil/save the world. Forget working for minimum wage.

10) Everyone would be so considerate, even monsters wait their turn.

11) Your hard work (running errands, solving puzzles, slaying monsters) would actually be rewarded (with gold, experience, or rare items).

12) The most important story is always a love story.

TV Moments

If life were like a TV show:

1) You would never have to go to the bathroom.

2) Every time you said or did something funny, you would hear people laughing.

3) Grocery shopping would be easy, you would always have only two or three plain, brown paper bags, one having a baguette protruding from the top.

4) That girl sitting next to you would really be a vampire/demon/psychic/time traveler.

5) Best excuse for being late to work: car chase.

6) Time would just fly by; the day would only seem to be either 22 or 45 minutes long.

7) You would never remember getting from A to B, unless something extraordinary happened.

8) Everyone would verbalize their every thought, and you would have to pretend not to hear.

9) You would wake up in the morning and your hair and make-up would already be done.

10) After every dream, you would bolt up out of bed in a cold sweat.

11) You might have a nagging suspicion that you have had adventures outside the space-time continuum, but have no memory of them.

12) All of your bed sheets are in a strange L-shape.

13) Tons of exciting things would happen to you during the month of May.

14) People you know would mysteriously die/disappear/radically change their appearance.

15) Every person's actions would be part of a master plan involving secrets, lies, revenge, or betrayal.

Thoughts on Management

Ways managers can be like toddlers:

1) Get extremely upset when they don't get what they want.

2) You always have to clean up after them.

3) Speak a language you don't always understand.

4) Make their own schedule.

5) Have trouble understanding that some things are just impossible.

6) Haven't learned how to perform certain tasks that others can do without a problem.

7) Any mistake they make is somehow always your fault.

8) Expect you to do things for them.

9) Assume that everything happens instantly.

 

A Night Out

Things I learned at the Canadian Radio Music Awards: 

1) Marianas Trench is awesome. Period. 

2) My knowledge of Canadian musicians could use some improvement. 

3) I now know what teen spirit smells like. Let's say not good. 

4) Do not put your Metropass in the same pocket as your phone, which you will be constantly reaching for to take pictures. Recipe for disaster. 

5) $50 is a lot of money to spend on a concert you are not watching because all you are doing is texting your friend and/or glaring at everyone. 

6) Yes, you can hold up your phone and record a video of the entire concert. You know what else can record experiences? Your mind. Just enjoy the show. 

7) Drunken barrel rolling through a packed crowd is never a good idea. 

8) Do not use the washroom. If you have to go, just hold it. Trust me. 

9) So there's country, new country and urban country? I guess now that's three genres I don't listen to. 

10) Apparently, they make alcoholic drinks with caffeine now. Being wide awake never felt so good. 

11) Judging by the amount of people who kept their coats on, $2.50 is seemingly too expensive for coat check. 

12) All ages means ALL ages. Although the crowd seemed to be composed mainly of three groups: kids, people who wish they were kids, and people who had kids.

TTC Life

Things I would like to tell people on the TTC (if there were no rules, or etiquette, or civilization whatsoever): 

1) I am sure you have lots of friends. But spandex is not one of them. 

2) I know the deodorant said "all day protection", but trust me, it was exaggerating. 

3) Gee, I have no idea what could possibly be in that plain, brown paper bag. And it's shaped like a bottle? I'm stumped. 

4) Oh no, when the bus driver says move back, he means everyone BUT you. Sure, you can just stay at the front where you are. 

5) I just worked 13 hours on my feet on all day, but your bag needs a seat? My apologies. 

6) Okay, so [insert Toronto sports team here] lost again, huh? Disappointing, but I fail to see how yelling in my face will turn back time and change the outcome. 

7) When you got dressed this morning, did you forget to turn on the lights? 

8) I appreciate the attempt, but mouthwash just makes your breath smell like minty booze. 

9) Thank you for talking on your cell phone so loud. No, I didn't know that David had a house party while you were away. And his friends trashed the house? Some people have no consideration for others, I know. 

10) No, twenty people trying to jam into the same subway car at once won't cause any problems. Those doors just look small; go ahead.